"For years, Heather B. Armstrong has alluded to her struggle with depression on her website, dooce. It's scattered throughout her archive, where it weaves its way through posts about pop culture, music, and motherhood. But in 2016, Heather found herself in the depths of a depression she just couldn't shake, an episode darker and longer than anything she had previously experienced... Heather decided to risk it all by participating in an experimental clinical trial involving a chemically induced coma approximating brain death. Now, for the first time, Heather recalls the torturous eighteen months of suicidal depression she endured and the month-long experimental study in which doctors used propofol anesthesia to quiet all brain activity for a full fifteen minutes before bringing her back from a flatline. Ten times. The experience wasn't easy. Not for Heather or her family. But a switch was flipped, and Heather hasn't experienced a single moment of suicidal depression since."-- provided by publisher.

Includes reader's guide.

Calling all angels -- I only have two hands -- The Michael Jackson drug -- Just how badly do you want to be dead -- No memories, no dreams, no light at the other end -- Marathon training for beginners -- Notifications to the nervous system -- License and registration, please -- The lie of a suicidal ideation -- A bowl of chips and salsa -- Plenty of fish -- Dear family and friends -- A needle into the perfect groove -- Melting snow -- In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen -- On behalf of loved ones long passed -- Into the inner sanctum -- Weekly Sunday panic attack -- The final hours of summer camp -- My calling.