An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works based on groundbreaking research and brain science that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Introduction: Yes, you are normal.The true story of sex -- The organization of this book -- A couple of caveats -- If you feel broken, or know someone who does -- 1. Anatomy: No two alike. The beginning -- The clit, the whole clit, and nothing but the clit -- Meet your clitoris -- Lips, both great and small -- Hymen truths -- A word on words -- The sticky bits -- Intersex parts -- Why it matters -- Change how you see -- A better metaphor -- What it is, now what it means -- 2. The dual control model: your sexual personality. Turn on the ons, turn off the offs -- Arousability -- What "medium" means -- Different for girls...but not necessarily -- What turns you on? -- All the same parts, organized in different ways -- Can you change your SIS or SES? -- 3. Context: And the "one ring" (to rule them all) in your emotional brain. Sensation in context -- Sex, rats, and rock 'n' roll -- Your emotional one ring -- You can't make them -- "Is something wrong with me?" (Answer: Nope) -- 4. Emotional context: Sex in a monkey brain. The stress response cycle: fight, flight, and freeze -- Stress and sex -- Broken culture-->Broken stress response cycles -- Compelte the cycle! -- When sex becomes the lion -- Sex and the survivor -- Origin of love -- The science of falling in love -- Attachment and sex: the dark side -- Attachment and sex: sex that advances the plot -- Attachment style -- Managing attachment: your feels as a sleepy hedgehog -- Survival of the social -- The water of life -- 5. Cultural context: a sex-positive life in a sex-negative world -- Three messages -- You are beautiful -- Criticizing yourself = stress = reduced sexual pleasure -- Health at every size -- "Dirty" -- When somebody "yucks" your "yum" -- Maximizing yum...with science! Part 1: Self-compassion -- Maximizing yum...with science! Part 2: Cognitive dissonance -- Maximizing yum...with science! Part 3: Media nutrition -- You do you -- 6. Arousal: lubrication is not causation. Measuring and defining nonconcordance -- All the same parts, organized in different ways: "This is restaurant" -- Nonconcordance in other emotions -- Lubrication error #1: genital respnose = "turned on" -- Lubrication error #2: genital response is enjoying -- Lubrication error #3: Nonconcordance is a problem -- Medicating away the brakes -- "Honey...I'm nonconcordant!" -- Ripe fruit -- 7. Desire: Actually, it's not a drive. Desire = arousal in context -- Not a drive. For real. -- Why it matters that it's not a drive -- "But Emily, sometimes it feels like a drive!" -- Impatient little monitors -- Good news! It's probably not your hormones -- More good news! It's not monogamy, either -- "Isn't it just culutre?" -- It might be the chasing dynamic -- Maximizing desire...with science! Part 1: Arousing the one ring -- Maximizing desire...with science! Part 2: Turning off the offs -- Maximizing desire...with science! Part 3: Desperate measures -- Sharing your garden -- 8. Orgasm: the fantastic bonus. Nonconcordance--now with orgasms! -- No two alike -- All the same parts... -- Your vagina's okay, either way -- The evolution of the fantastic bonus -- Difficulty with orgasm -- Ecstatic orgasm: you're a flock! -- How do you medicate a flock? -- Flying toward -- 9. Meta-emotions: the ultimate sex-positive context. Can't get no... -- The map and the terrain -- Postive meta-emotions step 1: trust the terrain -- Positive meta-emotions step 2: let go of the map (the hard part) -- How to let go: nonjudging -- Nonjudging = "emotion coaching" -- Nonjudging: tips for beginners -- "No good reason" -- Healing trauma with nonjuding -- When partners dismiss! -- Influencing the little monitor part 1: changing your criterion velocity -- Influencing the little monitor part 2: changing the kind of effort -- Influencing the little monitor part 3: changing the goal -- "To feel normal" -- "This is it" -- Conclusion: You are the secret ingredient. Why I wrote this book -- Where to look for more answers.