1.Living With Serious Illness 5 -- Am I "living with" or "dying of"? -- How we die - then and now -- Practice, practice, practice -- Planning for uncertainty -- Power of words -- Not particularly interested in dying ... -- Decisions to make, decisions to wait -- No one "right way" -- 2. Enduring and Changing 15 -- Mourning your losses -- Seeing yourself more clearly -- Coping with changes in appearance -- Taking care of yourself -- Setting realistic goals -- About relationships -- Life is changing, but ... -- 3. Finding Meaning 27 -- Religion and relationships -- Meaning and loss -- Chaplains and others who can help -- 4. Helping Family Make Decisions and Give Care 39 -- Families deciding together -- Family caregiving -- How can a caregiver know if things are out of control? -- What to do when the caregiver is overwhelmed -- How do you find support groups? -- Is there anything good about caregiving? -- 5. Getting the Help You Need 47 -- How to find help and advice -- Call your local Office on Aging -- Getting the help of a case manager -- When your family needs a break -- Getting your wishes followed at home -- When you have help in your home -- What to do when things don't go well -- A guide to settings and services -- How do I pay for these services? -- 6. Talking With Your Doctor 57 -- Know what you should expect from your doctor -- Getting the most out of each visit with your doctor -- Talking with your doctor -- special situations -- When you are hesitant to ask questions -- 7. Controlling Pain 71 -- Types of pain -- Choosing the right pain medicine -- Different ways to take pain medicine -- Doses of pain medicine -- A few rules about pain management -- How often to take pain medicine -- Fear of addiction -- Side effects of pain medications -- More medications that relieve pain -- 8. Managing Other Symptoms 85 -- "I feel very short of breath, as if I just can't breathe." -- "I just can't eat." -- "What are bed sores and how can I prevent them?" -- "I want to stay awake; there's so much yet to do." -- "Some people are so depressed, but I'm just so anxious." -- "Should I be worried about getting confused or just being 'out of it'?" -- "Remind me -- can anything good happen?" -- 9. Learning About Specific Illnesses 93 -- How long do I have? -- Heart disease -- Cancer -- Lung disease: emphysema and chronic bronchitis -- Kidney failure -- Liver failure -- HIV/AIDS -- Dementia -- Dying while very old -- 10. Planning Ahead 119 -- "Why should I make plans now?" -- "How can I be sure my choices will be followed?" -- "What else matters with advance directives?" -- "I had a living will in Ohio and now I'm in Florida. Do I need a new one?" -- "What about planning for where to live when I am more disabled?" -- "What about planning my finances?" -- "Why do I need someone to speak for me?" -- "My mother had a living will but the doctor ignored it. Is this common?" -- "Is it legal to refuse life-sustaining treatment?" -- "What else should I plan for?" -- "All of this is sort of depressing, isn't it?" -- 11. Forgoing Medical Treatment 129 -- Thinking about the issues -- Stopping treatment -- Time-limited trials -- When food seems like love -- Benefits of dehydration at the end of life -- Tube feeding and the dementia patient -- Artificial feeding and the permanently unconscious patient -- Choosing to stop eating and drinking -- Decisions about ventilators -- Decisions about resuscitation -- Many meanings of "DNR" -- Other decisions to forgo treatments -- 12. Hastening Death 139 -- Considering suicide: When you just can't face another day -- "I want to spare my family." -- "I want to be sure to die comfortably. Wouldn't suicide be a guarantee?" -- "Don't the laws now allow physician-assisted suicide?" -- "What about Oregon?" -- "What are some of the arguments against legalizing physician-assisted suicide?" -- "What arguments support physician-assisted suicide?" -- "I don't trust doctors." -- "Outside of Oregon, is there any physician-assisted suicide?" -- 13. Coping With Events Near Death 149 -- "How will I know when death is getting close?" -- "What should family and friends do when death is close?" -- "Is it important to be there at the moment of death?" -- "How does a family member know that the person has died?" -- "What happens then?" -- "Can family keep some information out of the obituary?" -- "How long can one wait before burial or cremation?" -- "Can family know what was learned in an autopsy before burial or cremation?" -- "How does a family follow religious and other important traditions?" -- "What does one do at a 'viewing' or at 'visiting hours'?" -- "Are there things that must be done right after the burial or cremation?" -- 14. Dying of Children 161 -- Infants -- Sudden causes of childhood death -- Fatal chronic illness with intact intellect -- Rare disorders -- Disorders with impaired consciousness -- 15. Dying Suddenly 171 -- Violence -- Accidents -- Natural disasters -- Suicide -- Multiple deaths -- During chronic illness or recuperation -- Sudden Infant Death Syndrome -- Some special issues -- police, autopsy, and organ donation -- Sudden death -- 16. Enduring Loss 179 -- Grieving your own dying -- Telling your story -- Cycle of grief -- Experiencing grief -- family and loved ones -- Living with loss of a loved one -- Music and mourning -- Do children grieve? -- Children's understanding of death: what to expect and how to help -- What do you do to comfort a child? -- Reinvesting in life after the loss of someone you love -- 17. Additional Resources 195.