Introduction -- Meltdown (2002) -- First lifetime -- Bedrock -- Mother and father -- The glad game (1947-1965) -- Lost and found (1965-1977) -- Love and work (1977-1994) -- Second lifetime -- Avalance of roses (1994-2002) -- Recovery (2002-2003) -- A bigger container (2003-2007) -- Despair and self-acceptance -- Stopping for Joshua Bell -- Where I am now (2008) -- My birthday party.