The best-selling author of The Areas of My Expertise presents a tongue-in-cheek compendium of made-up facts that fall under such headings as "The Method by Which We Elect Our Presidents," "How to Be a Famous Minor Television Personality," and "Gambling: The Sport of the Asthmatic Man."

One of my great regrets -- The presidents of the United States: are they the new hoboes? (including Lincoln Kennedy links, William Jennings Bryan, Mondale, Teddy Roosevelt, President Booth -- The future and other superstitions (including folk remedies plus a hangover cure) -- Advice, how-to, and miscellaneous (including infestations, the literary axolotl, oxalis, identity theft and secret ponytails) -- Gambling: the sport of the asthmatic man (including how to, roulette, poker, tells, slots, hermit-crab racing, American musical theater, casinos) -- How to be famous (including internet rumors, wacky neighbors, perks + 1 downside of fame) -- The hidden world (not including mole-men) (includes monsters, feral Americans, crossword code, Ralph Macchio, secret moon landing, alien life) -- Even more information than you require, with a special emphasis on food and animals (a kind of food) (includes the 6 new foods of the world, the fork, forgotten cocktails, oysters, parasites: lice, tapeworms, Brooklyn inventions, shitty aphorisms, and what to expect while serving as a juror) -- The mole-men: are they the new hoboes? (includes the 7 portals to the hollow earth; literary tone detector; 700 mole-man names; an urban legend regarding the Declaration of Independence) -- Some lists I confess to compiling: Some insects who have been friend to man; 4 get-rich-slow schemes; The 10 accepted styles of deadpan; 3 Esperanto words in common use today; Vera aux falsa; sexually suggestive Christmas songs; The best mas ever -- All of your questions answered, or at least 5 more: regarding chicken butt; the worst job; car talk; skooma; Scrabble -- An outroduction: the secret of your identity and how you got that terrible scar -- Troubleshooting guide to the new voting machines -- The precedents of the United States -- Your 12-month spleencast -- Some luck signs -- Wacky neighbors -- The damned -- Experts consulted during the preparation of this book -- Sequels to Machiavelli's The Prince.