Stand-up comedian and family man Tom Papa explores how we deal with our inescapable relatives and their bizarre behavior. A warm, hilarious book that saws deep into every branch of the family tree and uncovers the most hysterical and surprisingly meaningful aspects of our lives.

MOMS & DADS : No presents for Dad -- Call your mother before she's dead -- Tiger Mom vs. Ice-cream Mom -- Things you find on Mom -- Don't ask your father -- Your children should at least think you might spank them -- Things you find on Dad -- Stop trying to be cool -- CHILDREN : Welcome to Plain Pasta, can I take your order? -- The kid with the googly eye -- Your baby doesn't want to go anywhere with you -- Boys stink -- How to yell at your children -- Morning people -- In defense of family vacations -- The happiest place on earth? -- No fighting before coffee -- Least popular baby names -- School sucks! -- FAMILY LIFE : Someone threw up there -- Worst family vacation spots -- Nuttier than a fruitcake -- NO PHONES AT THE TABLAY : Stay out of the emergency room -- Tell me that story again -- Bad family games -- Birthday parties belong at home -- Fun family traditions -- HUSBANDS : There are no great guys -- Don't drag him to an art gallery while on vacation -- Things husbands lie about -- You aren't marrying who you think you are -- John is dead -- WIVES : The wife lie detector -- The importance of the forced romantic getaway -- We'll sleep when we're dead -- That cute thing she does -- What men think their wives do in the bathroom -- Leave the past alone -- There's no such thing as a soul mate -- PETS : Your cat thinks you're too needy -- Your dog doesn't want to go to a restaurant with you -- Get a fish -- Good family pets -- Requiems for Smokey -- Bad family pets -- GRANDPARENTS : Fishing for sky -- Old people shouldn't twerk -- Perfect gift ideas for Grandma -- Who's watching who? -- Bad gift ideas for Grandma -- THE OUTLAWS : Your father-in-law doesn't like you either -- Best places to bring your daughter's boyfriend -- Your mom's not the boss of me -- BROTHERS & SISTERS : Mistake in the woods -- The brother I never had -- AUNTS, UNCLES & COUSINS TOO : Cool aunt vs. creepy aunt -- Uncle Al, all the kids' pal -- Cool things to do with your uncle when you're young -- Your cousins will ruin your life -- STRANGERS : Rocky Road -- New Americans : Trolls -- Techno-idiots -- The super sports fan -- The angry, middle-aged white guy -- Hot moms -- Know-nothing life masters -- People to avoid on a plane -- And, finally...just eat the bread.